LOOKING FOR LOVE: MAURA AND RAHUL

From a pool of Brown University applicants, we matched three pairs. We then sent them on sponsored blind dates to local businesses in Providence. After their dates, we talked to each pair about their experiences. This is XO Magazine’s Looking For Love.

Maura and Rahul have both previously taken a passive approach to dating. They’ve downloaded Tinder, sure, but they haven’t been actively searching for their next soulmate or hookup. So when Maura and Rahul heard XO Magazine was setting up blind dates, they both felt they had stumbled upon the perfect opportunity to find romance: no flirting or effort required. Just a pot of tea and a chance to meet someone new. 

In an interview after the date, Maura fiddled with her turtleneck and told me, “I was just open for anything, even if it was friendship. I wasn’t going into it with expectations. I figured I would get to meet someone new, and I heard XO would pay for the meal, so I was like, ‘Say less.’” They signed up for a date on a post-midnight whim. 

Rahul was eager to find new experiences in his senior spring. “I’m always down to meet people, even outside of dating contexts,” he said. “Because I’ve been so busy this past year, and because I don’t have time to be social outside of the activities I do, I feel like most people I’ll meet at Brown I’ve already met. That makes romantic pursuits a lot harder.” 

Rahul came into the date hoping for a long term relationship. “I’m not the type of person to be into hookup culture. I prefer formalized, established relationships. Not that I feel a need to be in a relationship right now. But if the right person comes along, the fact that I’m a graduating senior isn’t that big of a deal to me. I think it’s worth it to have these few months, or you never know where people are gonna be next year.” 

Maura said they weren’t actively searching for a relationship, but added, “If it happens, it happens. Nothing has really happened in college, and I don’t wanna force anything. I mostly just wanted to talk to someone.”

Maura started to get nervous on their way to Tea in Sahara. They tried to guess who they would meet by combing Twitter for other mentions of the blind date. Outside the restaurant, they asked a random passerby if she was looking for a date before an XO editor steered them inside. Maura laughed uncomfortably. They knew they could leave the date at any time, but they still feared the awkward silence that could settle in around a steaming pot of tea. 

Rahul was excited. He loved dates that served as opportunities to chat, especially when they involved coffee or tea. He felt comfortable in his ability to carry a conversation and ride out the natural lulls that can come on a date. 

But as soon as Maura and Rahul locked eyes, they burst out laughing. Neither had expected to be matched with a coworker and neighbor. In their two years working together at the Office of Residential Life, Rahul has served as a mentor figure for Maura, answering their questions about the nitty gritty of supporting first years. Today, Rahul and Maura live two floors apart in the same building. 

“Not only do we know each other, we know each other in a work context,” Rahul said. “We’ve definitely had great conversations, and during trainings we’ve sat next to each other, but that definitely changed the nature of the date. It became, ‘Oh, how are you doing?’ It was really lovely to catch up, but I wouldn’t say there was a romantic aspect to it.” 

Maura and Rahul spent most of their date talking workplace gossip and trying to figure out why residents on Rahul’s floor keep vandalizing exit signs. They talked more about what they didn’t already know of each other and made genuine efforts to catch up. They chatted naturally for a couple hours before walking back to campus together. 

Afterward, I sat Maura and Rahul down together and asked them to share what they liked most about each other. Rahul appreciated Maura’s humor more than anything, but also their ability to be simultaneously fun and thoughtful. Maura said they could rely on Rahul to “step up and do what’s necessary.” 

Neither minded that their date ended up with someone they saw more as a friend. If anything, they appreciated the chance to get to know each other. Maura said their time together, and ‘friend dates’ in general, felt like the opposite of half-hearted attempts to meet up. 

As Maura spoke during our individual interview, they leaned forward to emphasize a point, and a cluster of hickeys poked out from beneath the black fabric. I asked if they were from Rahul, and they laughed, a bit embarrassed. 

“Well, I met up with Rahul, and then right after I had a date,” Maura said. “This person that I’ve been seeing on Tinder, he came down to visit me. He doesn’t go to Brown. He lives a little outside Boston. I didn’t know what to do because he was planning on arriving in Providence forty five minutes into my blind date. I thought I would have to haul ass straight from Tea in Sahara to the train station. Luckily, God was on my side that Friday, like, ‘We’re gonna give you some time as a treat.’”

I asked how the impending Tinder date affected Maura’s expectations for the blind date, but Maura said it didn’t affect her. “When I applied for the date, it was prior to meeting this person on Tinder. So the Tinder date and I were very open to whatever direction our relationship would go. We hadn’t been concrete about what we were. The only thing the Tinder date changed was that I had to check my phone for the time.” 

And, of course, Maura felt badass scheduling two dates for the same day. “I was like, my power is immense right now!”

Maura said about the Tinder date, “It was very wholesome. We watched a movie, we talked. We had been talking regularly, so it was just an opportunity to see each other in person. We wanted to see what would happen. And nothing beyond hickeys happened, which was fine by me.”

I noticed, in Maura and Rahul’s experiences, two parallel realities of modern dating at Brown. With the prevalence of Tinder and online dating apps, juggling multiple romantic interests is common, even encouraged. As polyamory and non-monogamy grow slowly more accepted in college and the world at large, young people are freer to schedule two dates for the same day. Maura serves as a great example of how this situation can also come about unintentionally, as a product of conflicting schedules and limited free time. 

In the same breath, we can recognize that many young people still gravitate towards more traditional relationship structures. Rahul told me he had little interest in hookups. “I’m kinda all or nothing. Weird in between things feel like a lot of time and mental energy for not much gain. Because you’re always guessing at the formalization of things. At least I am.”

The beauty of it all is that despite the radical differences between Maura and Rahul’s recent approaches to romance, we at XO can still consider them compatible, and they can enjoy their time together. They can unite through their shared senses of humor, their shared love of genuine conversation. Though Maura and Rahul don’t seem interested in pursuing a romantic relationship together, we can find, in their relationship, a hopeful cross-section of modern love. People with varied romantic histories may still find themselves compatible and, even if they don’t wind up together, find momentary joy over a pot of tea. 

AUTHOR: Joaquin Munro is Mexican & white & queer & trying to learn how to be tenderly militant. He grew up in Boston & studies creative nonfiction at Brown. His favorite spot in Providence is White Electric Coffee.

ARTIST: Elon Collins